Their Secret Wife (Shadows Between Lies Book 2) Page 7
They rented a two-room Gite on the outskirts of Gaiole, only 15km from the start of the race. It was an ancient village of meandering cobbled roads, stone buildings, and the best ice-cream and coffee in the world. In true Italian style, the race started at 7.00am and the 7,000 cyclists from around the world rode the white limestone roadways in about six to eight hours. Every 20 km there were tables laden with a variety of delicious wines, cheeses, salamis and juices for the cyclists to stop and partake of the spoils along the way.
Halfway through the event several young, unseasoned cyclists, drunk with overindulgence at the wine stands, had passed out in a dense hedgerow, unable to get back on their bikes. Disabled metal contraptions lay strewn with complete abandon across the other side of the paved street. There was music and fun, a market selling all kinds of cycling gear, parts and paraphernalia befitting the vintage baby boomer obsessives lingering for the final fanfare of prize giving. Both men received the impressive bronze embossed medal of L’eroica Completedo of 2003, enough to impress their wives, friends, families. Also, enough to trigger some resentful mutterings from work colleagues who were highly allergic to Lycra and sprocket grease.
After returning to their rooms, they peeled off their dust and sweat impregnated bib suits, showered and passed out on their beds for a long uninterrupted sleep.
The next morning Fred was hungover and exhausted. His phone rang shrilly, cutting through the early morning air. Both men woke up with a start. Fred scrambled for his phone on the bedside table and pressed the cell phone to his ear.
‘Mila?’ Fred said out loud, and Logan rolled over in the single bed across the room, frowning at his friend. Why was Mila calling Fred? They both listened intently, but Logan could only make out Fred’s half of the conversation.
‘When? Oh God. Okay. Will call you back once we’re sorted.’ Fred said, breathless with excitement, and turned to Logan.
‘Maddy’s having the baby! Mila says she’ll call you back later.’
Logan looked stunned. ‘What are we going to do? It’s too early, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah… I guess. Only by a few weeks,’ Fred said, leaping from his bed and heading for the bathroom. ‘We need to catch the next train out of here. We’ll have to change our flights, too. Bring them forward.’
‘Fred, Fred,’ repeated Logan, pulling himself from the bed and stumbling towards his enthusiastic friend. ‘The baby’s will be born long before we get there.’
While these were the calm words in his outside voice, his fearful inner voice was in a panic and excitement for Maddy and the baby. What if it died, being about five weeks too early, he calculated to himself? His emotions were all over the place, and he struggled to gain some control and look normal in front of his friend. He couldn’t phone Maddy in labor at the local Rosie Pope Maternity hospital in Santa Monica, nor could he call Mila and ask. He would seem too keenly interested, and he couldn’t risk casting a pall of potential suspicion over himself.
Mila was already at the hospital supporting Maddy during labor, so there was nothing much they could do except wait. He should have been there. But how bad would that look to Fred and Mila? He realized this would be his life now, his baby’s life, living with his best friend. He would have to monitor and control his reactions to all the milestones and potential disasters that befell his baby as it grew into a child, teenager and then an adult. Twenty years of camouflaged responses were now his future strategy. He flew back to New Zealand to await the return of Mila and their daughters back home where they belonged. Instead, he wanted to race to Maddy’s side and meet his newborn child.
‘Please, God,’ Logan whispered to himself. ‘Let nothing go wrong.’
****
Both men sat in silence at Milan airport, waiting for different flights to return them to their respective homes on opposite ends of the planet. This time it was Logan’s cell phone and Mila announced Maddy had just delivered an eight-pound son. All was good. Only born fifteen minutes ago.
Logan handed the phone to Fred, and she repeated the message and her congratulations.
‘Maddy was actually hoping for a daughter,’ Mila said to Fred.
‘I know. Me too. Wow. Another son,’ said Fred. ‘I promised Maddy we would call him after her grandmother’s maiden name, Hawkins. They had no sons, so they lost the surname. The Hawkins name literally died off.’
‘Congratulations Fred,’ Mila said. ‘Maddy will call back soon.’
Once off the phone, Logan grinned at Fred. ‘Hawkins, eh? I guess he’ll be called Hawke?’ Logan paused, letting the name roll off his tongue a second time. ‘That’s an illustrious name. He kind of swooped on in earlier than any of us expected. A strong name for a son. He’ll have a lot to live up to with his great grandmother’s heritage behind him.’
Why did he say that? Logan thought to himself. Playing the uncle would not be a straightforward game. He felt heartbroken. He loved his two daughters, but this was his only son. A son who would never know his actual father. Now it was real, Hawke was here and would be in his life, albeit on the periphery in some ways. The emotional upheaval astonished Logan as he forced a smile in recognition of Fred grinning proudly at him. Stupidly, he had not considered the wave of emotional upset he now had to grapple with.
CHAPTER 11
Two Faced
In more good news, Logan, Mila and their two daughters were returning to LA before the end of the year. Both families greeted this with delight and excitement. For Maddy, it tainted her friend’s return with remorse and guilt when she thought of Fred and Mila, innocently inhabiting a monogamous marital lie. The Jones family would live close by, returning to their original property, a few blocks away from the Davis’ home on the outskirts of Santa Monica. It left Maddy with a deep sense of unease. She would risk contacting Logan until they were safely back in LA and could privately talk things through.
Several months later, Fred and Maddy waited at LAX as the high-pitched nasal announcements of flight arrivals screeched over the intercom, barely audible above the noisy hordes of waiting friends and families, conveniently cordoned off behind a chrome barrier. Within minutes Maddy spotted the Jones’ and excitedly waved her arms, calling out as they all rushed towards one another, hugging and kissing, finally reunited once again.
‘God, I’ve missed you, Logy.’ Fred grabbed his best friend around the shoulders and gave him a massive hug.
‘Me too,’ Logan said, slightly unnerved by Fred using Maddy’s nickname for him, Logy. He recovered quickly and pushed any paranoid fear to the back of his mind.
‘Good to have you back home again,’ Fred said, ‘and thankfully for good this time.’ Both men smiled and hugged one another. Logan slapped Fred on the back as they let go of one another. Their wives kissed cheeks, hugged and laughed, already engrossed in conversation.
‘Mila!’ Fred announced. ‘You’re looking as gorgeous as ever. The land of the long white cloud has clearly preserved you very well indeed. You’re looking even younger and more delightful than when I last saw you.’ Mila beamed, her dark eyes dancing at Fred’s lavish praise.
‘Very out of character, Mr. Davis,’ she chuckled. ‘Have you been drinking already?’
Fred hugged and then kissed her forehead, apparently happy to have her back on home turf too. Maddy held Mila’s hand and whispered in her ear, now and again. The women giggled intermittently as they walked ahead of the men, pulling the two trollies loaded up with overweight luggage to the carpark. Maddy avoided greeting Logan, signaling there was no-secret-anything going on between the clandestine pair. Fred, a stickler for airport etiquette, noticed and fleetingly thought it unusual but said nothing. On the way to the carpark with all of them chattering, Fred wondered why his wife displayed such odd behavior? Had she experienced some tiff with Logan, or was there more to her body language? After all this time, could they be lovers again? He couldn’t quite decide but felt uncomfortable and uncertain about why he sensed his wife’s remote attitude towards his f
riend.
The two women walked ahead of their husbands, still clinging to one another as they moved through the double-glazed exit doors.
Mila leaned against Maddy and whispered in her ear. ‘You know I love you, don’t you? I can’t believe we’ve been away for five years, not to mention away from sunny California,’ Mila said.
Maddy felt bereft, almost heartbroken, missing them both during the years Logan’s job had based them in Auckland. Even now, she found herself day-dreaming about Logan, all the years and upheavals they had shared, and the many times they had secretly been together outside the confines of their respective marriages. A wave of guilt and unease steamrolled over her mental meanderings, scattering her wayward thoughts, interceding with the cold taste of harsh veracity. In recent months there had been a few times Maddy considered discussing her affair with Fred. After all, he was her husband, and she had always tried to be honest with him, but the lie now had a face and a life of its own. Not only with their shared son, Hawke, already two years old, but also with the added complexity of not being able to resolve and end her affair with her best friend’s husband.
Maddy watched Logan’s face when he met Hawke for the first time. The unholy combination of joy, delight, even suppressed excitement, sliced through the pain and heartbreak she saw in his eyes. But no one else seemed to notice and Logan, tactfully, only held out his hand to the toddler and smiled wistfully at the child’s round, smiling face. His son’s hand fitted within his like a glove. The warmth and the connection were obvious.
It made Maddy feel sick, and she turned to meet Fred’s concentrated gaze, which gave nothing away. She contemplated whether there was a level of insanity involved, on both their parts. Sadly, her tepid attempts at bringing up these issues with Fred fell firmly on his iron-clad heart. He was not interested in the emotional luxury of self-indulgence. The world was very black and white for him. The gray areas which made up most of humanity’s machinations overlapped Fred’s ability to understand, and for her to offer a reasonbable explanation. Why would be reasonable? She surrendered, believing her secret was safer between Logan and herself. Who needed the heartache and upheaval at this stage of love and life, anyway? She rationalized. Every time she considered her situation, she always came to this point and knew this was the reason she needed to maintain her silence. She thought about the love she had with Fred, Logan, and Mila. It was a similar, long-term commitment, related in its complexity of their shared lives. The four of them would always be together. She felt an element of security and comfort in knowing they all felt akin to one another.
My Dearest Mitch,
Just a quick note to say I have no intention of giving up my private contact with you. It was overwhelming to see you and baby Hawke at the airport.
There is no chance I will recover from you. I trust you feel the same.
It was bittersweet to be with you and heartbreaking to see Hawke. I hope we get time to be together and alone soon.
Love always
Logyx
It became more critical a week later when Mila and Maddy were alone at home, sharing a coffee and chatting. Mila brought up how distracted Logan had become. He was always so busy with work demands and showed little interest in his daughters, and even less in her own wife. As the conversation started, Maddy felt a cold shock run down her back. The fine hairs on the back of her neck and her forearms reared up. She concentrated on maintaining her calm, concerned appearance, rearranging her features into cool composure, attempting to mask her unease.
‘I can’t really put my finger on it,’ continued Mila, her face looking strained and unhappy. ‘I wonder if he’s banging someone else. What do you think? Does it sound like it?’
Maddy felt deep concern for her surrogate sister and cursed her traitorous self. She didn’t want to cripple this relationship, either. What the hell had she been playing at? What was Logan thinking? ‘No darling, he loves you,’ came Maddy’s reassurance, praying the topic would change. ‘He’s always loved you.’
‘But… it’s weird. I can’t really explain.’ Mila pressed on anxiously.
‘Maybe you’re seriously underestimating the ongoing stress of his job?’ suggested Maddy. ‘It’s really taking a toll on him. Remember the previous visit after the mid-year school holidays when we flew down to the South Island and stayed in beautiful Nelson. He mentioned how he was struggling to get a good night’s sleep. The pills weren’t working, and he just looked so wrung out. We knew he was not in a good space.’
Mila sighed. ‘Ummm, I guess that’s part of it. He seems pretty withdrawn and is a lot quieter than normal,’ she said, wanting to believe the obvious excuse her best friend was dishing up in desperation. ‘I dunno,’ Mila continued. ‘I still think there’s something more going on.’
It was later that night when their husbands were watching the NFL playoffs while their wives cleared the dishes a in the kitchen that they began a more intense conversation around Mila’s concerns. One of their home teams, the LA Chargers, were set, the friends hoped, for a better game after the disappointing play of the previous year. The two women had a good chance of sharing their private thoughts after dinner and enjoying a couple of glasses of wine at the kitchen table with the backdrop of their husbands arguing with the sports presenter and lambasting the home team. Fred and Logan were quiet for intermittent moments during the game, but the tension in the commentator’s voice brought silence to their wives, listening to the shouts and cussing going on from the armchair enthusiasts stationed in the adjoining living room.
Maddy wanted to put Mila’s distracted and disinterested husband in perspective and allow Mila to feel comfortable back in home territory. Maybe now, Maddy reasoned, Logan would call a time-out as he had done on two previous occasions during their incestuous affair. But neither could let go of the other. Their record of abstinence from one another made an eye-watering, pathetic read. Maddy poured her friend another ice-cold Sauvignon. ‘Let’s think about the obvious signs all women’s mags tell you about.’ She wanted to close the topic down but had to delve into it, as evidence of her own innocence to her best friend, before permanently bolting the shutters closed.
‘Number one,’ Maddy listed with authority. ‘Is he at the gym more often than normal and has he lost weight, in an attempt, to get fit?’
‘No,’ Mila tentatively responded after a few moments of careful consideration.
‘Number two. Has he started buying new trendy clothes, shirts in colors he wouldn’t normally wear?’
‘Well, no.’
‘So… Is he working at the office in the evenings and regularly coming home later than usual? You know, using his massive workload as an excuse?’
‘No. Not really.’
‘Well then,’ stated Maddy with clinical certainty. ‘Clearly, there’s simply nothing to see here!’
Mila sighed. ‘I hope you’re right. I wish I could believe it as firmly as you do.’
Maddy and Logan communicated via a Hotmail account, so she felt confident testing infidelity’s boundaries a little further. The on-again and off-again secret affair between them continued alongside the constraints of Mila and Logan’s traditional marriage.
‘Well, let’s think. Just to be a hundred percent clear, it may pay to check Logan’s phone and his emails. You can look at his browsing history too on his Tablet if you still feel uncertain.’ Maddy’s internal voice was astounded at her bold deference to the situation. Brass balls indeed.
Maddy let out a big breath, knowing that she had comfortably dodged a bullet by playing a high-risk game.
‘He’s been under a lot of pressure.’ Mila noted. ‘And you of all people, Maddy, know how I hate being ignored!’ They both grinned.
Maddy relaxed, crisis averted. ‘Ten to one, he’s just exhausted from work demands and the only things you’ll find are a few online porn sites and cycling shops.’ Maddy gradually massaged Mila into a more acceptable explanation.
‘Porn sites?’ Mila queried.
‘Yeah.’ Maddy shrugged, reticent. ‘Get real. It’s just what most men do. No need to be alarmist about it.’
‘Yup. You’re right. I’m overreacting,’ Mila said, scratching the back of her arm, her body language signaling she was still ill at ease. ‘Thank God for you, Maddy. I would never survive without you in my life.’
‘Just stop worrying,’ her friend admonished. ‘Everything finds its own balance, and I know Logan, and I’m telling you, he loves you. He would never hurt you. Give it time and patience. Shall I re-book a rental for the Easter break at Lake Havasu? Arizona’s perfect that time of year. What about ten days this time? What do you say?’
And they were off, chatting and laughing about the holidays and plans for their joint family Christmas celebrations later in the year, too.
That evening Fred and Maddy discussed future ways of earning money to cover their mortgage and finance their youngest son through university. They waded through many options, wanting to earn more. Should they sell the house and cash up by moving to the country, making it a longer commute to their city jobs and a barrier for career promotion but liberating much-needed cash? Maddy imagined wonderful opportunities through the futuristic glass ceiling, but there seemed no way of getting there without serious compromise and financial belt-tightening. It made her sick to think Fred had to struggle to support Logan’s son, spawn of her wayward affair with his best friend over all the years that still lay ahead.
CHAPTER 12
He Who Hesitates
The trees along the narrow river dipped their overhanging branches into the racing water, as if to taste the cool wetness as the summer heat wore on. Maddy wasn’t sure why she agreed to meet at the park on the other side of town, but guessed it to be the peaceful presence of the established woodland, an emotional sponge soaking up her angst and fear. She had to deliver some hard news to Logan, and she expected a backlash. It made sense to talk to him amongst the tranquility and strength of the tall, exotic trees. She hoped the old willows and pines would absorb the negative energy and appease them both.